Author: James Walsh
Divorce can often adversely affect your daily life and job. People are bound to feel very upset, angry, anxious, and stressed during the time of the divorce. These feelings can continue to dominate a person’s mind long after the divorce is over. It is not easy to let go of a marriage that you thought would last forever and accept failure of your marriage so easily. Therefore, it is common for people to brood about the circumstances.
Some people keep thinking about what they could have done differently so that their marriage would have survived. Dealing with all these thoughts is not easy. Consequently, when people reach their offices with such kind of a mindset, it becomes very hard for them to concentrate on their work. Even when they want to focus on their work, their thoughts keep going back to the past circumstances and events.
There is some amount of stress involved in every job. However, during or after a divorce, the usual job stress also becomes very hard to handle because a divorced person already feels a lot of stress due to divorce and change of living conditions.
If the divorced person is a custodial parent, he or she is bound to feel more responsible for the children because he or she needs to take care of the children all on his or her own. You may have shared the responsibility of your children all this while but all of a sudden, taking care of your children’s homework, whereabouts, and their lives becomes your duty. This can be a very daunting task. Consequently, you are bound to spend more time and energy in household tasks than at work.
Most single fathers struggle to get their children ready for school, make their breakfast, pack their lunch, and drop them off to school Therefore, by the time they reach their offices, they begin to feel tired already. After all, running a household by yourself and taking care of the children is no child’s play. The entire morning energy that used to be concentrated on office work alone gets divided between office work and household work. Therefore, it is highly likely that their productivity at work will be adversely affected.
If you are a single mother who has just started working, life can be no easier for you either. Getting into the job market after a long gap can be an intimidating task. In the beginning, it is important to make your mark at your new job to show that you are the best person for the job. This may require long and hectic hours at work. Coming back from work and managing your house can seem like a stretch for most part of the week.
Many people feel that they need to spend more time with their children after the divorce in order to make the children feel comfortable about the new living arrangements. Therefore, it is not uncommon for people to give up job promotions that require them to put in more number of hours at work or job movements that require them to relocate to other cities. Therefore, the career graph of divorced people cannot make an upward shift during and shortly after the divorce process because of their personal commitments.
Once people settle down in their lives with their changed set of circumstances, they are bound to immerse themselves in their jobs. Diverting their energies towards their jobs helps people beat stress and think about future goals and achievements rather than failures of the past.
How to Minimize the Effects of Divorce on Your Career and Day-to-Day Performance?
Most people have a very tough time coping with the challenges posed by their careers during this time of crisis. Therefore, we have come up with a few tips that can help you minimize the effects of divorce and maximize your job performance.
View your job and your work as an outlet for relieving stress rather than a source of it.
Seek professional help if you are unable to let go of the bitterness associated with the divorce.
Socialize with your colleagues and friends at work. This can prove to be a good stress buster. Once you start to enjoy doing that, you will look forward to coming to work.
If you are unable to strike a balance between your personal life and work life due to long hours or additional responsibilities at home, ask your boss if you can work from home till the time things get sorted out.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/divorce-and-its-impact-on-daily-life-and-work-332804.html
About the Author:
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com
Tips for Women for Surviving Financially After Divorce
Author: James Walsh
Since women are the ones who undergo a lot of emotional turmoil during and after the divorce process, they are at a bigger risk of settling for an unfair financial settlement. As a woman, you may be tempted to get over and done with the divorce process as soon as possible so as to put an end to the bitter trauma that you may be experiencing. However, doing so can have disastrous consequences. It is common for women to slip below the poverty line after divorce. Since women are financially vulnerable after divorce, they need to be over-cautious about their finances during and after divorce.
Why Are Women Financially Vulnerable After Divorce?
Women mostly tend to assume the role of a caretaker in a marriage. Therefore, it is common for women to sacrifice their careers in order to take care of their home and family. It is only when divorce is in the offing that women realise that the decision to quit their high-rising careers was a big mistake.
Divorce brings with a lot of changes; you may have to leave your marital home and your financial status may not remain what it used to be. Looking for a new house can be challenging especially if you have children. You may want your children to live in the same neighborhood to ensure that they still feel close to their friends and familiar surroundings but doing so may mean shelling out more money if the neighborhood is an expensive one.
If you have been a stay-at-home mom, you may have look for another job to support yourself. If you have children and you are the custodial parent, the task at hand can be tougher. You will have to ensure that your new job not only supports your lifestyle but also that of your children. Many women have no clue about how to take care of monthly finances or yearly savings. Since women rarely involve themselves in financial planning sessions with their husbands, they are more likely to feel financially vulnerable after divorce.
Why Do Many Women Slip Below Poverty Line?
Recent studies have proved that as many as 53.4% of the single mothers with children are below the poverty line. In addition, studies also prove that while men tend to experience only a 10% drop in incomes post-divorce, women are likely to experience as much as 30% drop in income after divorce.
The main reason for this is that when women tend to start their careers after taking a long break from their careers, they do not get hired for highly skilled jobs. In addition, many single custodial mothers can only afford to take up part-time work because the cost of child-care far outweighs the benefits of a fulltime job.
Financial Tips to Make Ends Meet
• If you have no idea about financial planning, it would make sense to gain some knowledge about basic financial planning. For this, you need not enrol yourself in a costly course; researching the Internet is a cost-effective way to gain knowledge on this subject. Research about your savings options such as ISAs, allowances such as jobseeker’s allowance, and basic state pension schemes.
• Make sure that you claim all the benefits that you are entitled to. If you are on low income and want to stay in your marital home rather than anywhere else, the housing benefit scheme in the UK can be very helpful. This scheme can help you towards making your mortgage interest payments when you have a low income stream.
• If you would like to stay in a rental house, you may be eligible for a rent allowance or rent rebate. You will need to contact your local council to get more details about this allowance. Your local council or Citizens Advice Bureau will also be able to assist you if you do not have a home or cannot afford a home.
• You would need to make sure that you claim your full state benefits that you may be entitled to. These may include but are not limited to winter fuel payments, pension credit, and council tax benefit. Single mothers are also entitled to tax credits and costs related to childcare.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/tips-for-women-for-surviving-financially-after-divorce-380978.html
About the Author:
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on Data Recovery see http://www.fields-data-recovery.co.uk
Since women are the ones who undergo a lot of emotional turmoil during and after the divorce process, they are at a bigger risk of settling for an unfair financial settlement. As a woman, you may be tempted to get over and done with the divorce process as soon as possible so as to put an end to the bitter trauma that you may be experiencing. However, doing so can have disastrous consequences. It is common for women to slip below the poverty line after divorce. Since women are financially vulnerable after divorce, they need to be over-cautious about their finances during and after divorce.
Why Are Women Financially Vulnerable After Divorce?
Women mostly tend to assume the role of a caretaker in a marriage. Therefore, it is common for women to sacrifice their careers in order to take care of their home and family. It is only when divorce is in the offing that women realise that the decision to quit their high-rising careers was a big mistake.
Divorce brings with a lot of changes; you may have to leave your marital home and your financial status may not remain what it used to be. Looking for a new house can be challenging especially if you have children. You may want your children to live in the same neighborhood to ensure that they still feel close to their friends and familiar surroundings but doing so may mean shelling out more money if the neighborhood is an expensive one.
If you have been a stay-at-home mom, you may have look for another job to support yourself. If you have children and you are the custodial parent, the task at hand can be tougher. You will have to ensure that your new job not only supports your lifestyle but also that of your children. Many women have no clue about how to take care of monthly finances or yearly savings. Since women rarely involve themselves in financial planning sessions with their husbands, they are more likely to feel financially vulnerable after divorce.
Why Do Many Women Slip Below Poverty Line?
Recent studies have proved that as many as 53.4% of the single mothers with children are below the poverty line. In addition, studies also prove that while men tend to experience only a 10% drop in incomes post-divorce, women are likely to experience as much as 30% drop in income after divorce.
The main reason for this is that when women tend to start their careers after taking a long break from their careers, they do not get hired for highly skilled jobs. In addition, many single custodial mothers can only afford to take up part-time work because the cost of child-care far outweighs the benefits of a fulltime job.
Financial Tips to Make Ends Meet
• If you have no idea about financial planning, it would make sense to gain some knowledge about basic financial planning. For this, you need not enrol yourself in a costly course; researching the Internet is a cost-effective way to gain knowledge on this subject. Research about your savings options such as ISAs, allowances such as jobseeker’s allowance, and basic state pension schemes.
• Make sure that you claim all the benefits that you are entitled to. If you are on low income and want to stay in your marital home rather than anywhere else, the housing benefit scheme in the UK can be very helpful. This scheme can help you towards making your mortgage interest payments when you have a low income stream.
• If you would like to stay in a rental house, you may be eligible for a rent allowance or rent rebate. You will need to contact your local council to get more details about this allowance. Your local council or Citizens Advice Bureau will also be able to assist you if you do not have a home or cannot afford a home.
• You would need to make sure that you claim your full state benefits that you may be entitled to. These may include but are not limited to winter fuel payments, pension credit, and council tax benefit. Single mothers are also entitled to tax credits and costs related to childcare.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/tips-for-women-for-surviving-financially-after-divorce-380978.html
About the Author:
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on Data Recovery see http://www.fields-data-recovery.co.uk
Divorce and Debt
Author: Shannon Cavers
As common sense and statistics tell us, the leading cause of marital discord is money. Therefore, it is not surprising that many times divorce inventories have more red numbers than black ones.
Media sources often portray Hollywood stars of “power couples” divorcing. Included with the typical hype may be which party will get the mansion, vacation home, or car collection, but rarely is there any coverage about how the parties will divide debt.
The hard truth is that debt, just like assets, are included in the community estate. No matter what your own moral compass may register regarding your and your spouse’s debt, Texas case law establishes rules that might surprise you. First, debt incurred during the marriage is presumed to be community debt. See Cockerham v. Cockerham, 527 S.W.2d 162, 171 (Tex. 1975). There must be a sufficient amount of evidence to rebut this presumption.
Despite well established case law, Texas divorce decrees contain sections entitled “Debt to Husband” and “Debt to Wife”, which seemingly assign responsibility for each debt. These sections of the decree will identify each creditor, the account number, and account balance. At the close of the divorce proceedings, the divorced couple has a lengthy document called a final decree of divorce. The husband, wife, their attorneys, and the judge sign the final decree. Often times the parties order a certified copy of their divorce decree, throw it in a drawer or the safe deposit box, and rarely look at it again unless there are children and custody issues involved.
It may be months or years later when the phone rings and one of the parties is greeted by the monotone utterances of a bill collector reading a script off the computer screen. The dialogue may go something like this:
Bob the Bill Collector: “This is Bob with XYZ Visa. I’m calling because your account is 60 days past due, and I need to know when you plan to remit the past due amount and begin making payments.”
You: “What are you talking about? That’s my ex’s account. Our divorce decree says so. I haven’t been married to him/her in over (whatever time frame)! Call that deadbeat for the money.”
Bob: “Well, Mr. or Ms. So and So, that doesn’t mean you don’t owe the debt if your ex defaults.”
You: “I have a certified court order signed by me, my ex, our attorneys, and the judge saying that I don’t owe you anything for that account. That account is the ex’s problem. When you find him/her, let me know because he/she owes me money, too!”
Bob: “Your divorce decree might say you aren’t responsible, but the law says you are. Why don’t you give me a check by phone and we can get you on a payment plan.”
You: “Are you dense?! Did you hear anything I just said?! I’m not responsible and I’m not paying you one red cent on any of that debt. Call the ex but stop hounding me!”
Bob: “Mr. or Ms. So and So, I did hear you, and you’re wrong. No matter what your divorce decree says, you owe XYZ Visa. If you don’t begin making payments, XYZ Visa will report this delinquent account to the credit reporting agencies, and take action up to and including litigation.”
I’ll let you fill in the closing dialogue for yourself. You are angry and hang up the phone. You may think that Bob, located at some call center hundreds of miles away, has no idea what he’s talking about.
As unsettling as it may be, Bob is right. Unless the XYZ Visa was a party to your divorce suit and agreed to the terms of the final decree, you owe the money. It is highly unusual for a husband and wife or their attorneys to implead creditors into divorce actions due to complex legal issues such as jurisdiction and venue on both the state and federal level.
To understand how you could possibly be responsible for debt assigned to your ex, you must rewind to the point in time when the credit account was opened. You will need to look at the original account agreement. Almost no one keeps those documents, so order a copy of your credit report from one of the big three credit reporting agencies (EquiFax, Experian, or TransUnion). If the account shows up on your report, then you were more than likely a party to the credit agreement. Despite how the divorce decree allocates the debts (both secured and unsecured), the Court has no authority to modify the contractual obligations between the spouses and the creditor.
To say it another way, the court cannot take away the creditor’s right to proceed against either spouse(s) for payment of a community debt that was incurred prior to the decree. See Blake v. Amoco Fed. Credit Union, 900 S.W.2d 108 (Tex. App. – Houston [14th Dist.] 1995, no writ).
Let’s presume the account was originally opened in both your names and the creditor was looking to both you and your spouse’s income and assets to repay the obligation. This means that you are both responsible for the debt. But what about the divorce decree that spells out which assets and liabilities you and your ex were assigned? Is it a worthless piece of paper? No.
You will not be able to file a motion to enforce the divorce decree to get the defaulting spouse to pay the debt. An enforcement action will only assist if there was specific property, such as a vehicle, brokerage account, or personal property, the other spouse failed to turn over. But what about the debt? All is not lost. You could file an action for breach of contract against the defaulting spouse. The divorce decree is a binding contract that both parties voluntarily signed before the court.
If your ex has defaulted on one or multiple obligations, a suit for breach of contract may be cold comfort. As the old saying goes, you can’t squeeze blood from a turnip. Nevertheless, if you pursue this option, your damages may include any money you agreed to pay the creditor to keep the account out of collections, interest, and other miscellaneous expenses, such as attorney’s fees if any are incurred.
Depending on the size of the debt that the defaulting party hasn’t paid, you could seek relief in small claims court. Texas small claims courts have jurisdiction from $0.01 up to $5,000.00. These courts are designed for individuals who want to represent themselves and avoid hiring an attorney. This is where people go to argue the “do right” law. However, if the amount in controversy is greater than $5,000.00, then you must file suit in a county court, county court at law, or a district court with jurisdiction over the matter. At this point, you may consider hiring an attorney to prosecute the claim if there’s a reasonable possibility you could collect from the defaulting spouse. If possible, never let things get to this point by utilizing some of the suggestions outlined below.
Before you go to court or sign the final decree of divorce, you should research each and every account that the decree references no matter if that account falls under the “Husband” or “Wife” section. You both need to be aware how the accounts were established, and who and what the creditor deems liable. It may be in your best interests to refinance jointly held debt and establish the debt in each individual’s name if that is possible. If you or your spouse’s credit score is not strong enough to take this route, then you may consider liquidating assets to repay the debt before the divorce is final and close the account. It will be cold comfort to pay off a debt only to find out that your ex ran up a bunch of charges. A method may be to sell a car, a house, real property, or take a 401-K loan prior to finalizing the divorce to pay off debt. Because a mortgage and car loan can have long terms of payments, it may behoove you to sell those assets and let the other party acquire them on his or her own credit. By paying off those assets, those will no longer appear as debts on your credit report or create potential future problems if the other party fails to make payments to the creditor.
After your divorce is final, you may consider taking these actions:
1. Closing all joint accounts with a low balance or zero balance.
2. Request a credit report from one of the big three credit reporting agencies 90 days after the divorce is final. Look for any errors or discrepancies and aggressively challenge them in writing.
3. Ask each creditor to send you a duplicate notice for the joint accounts – even if the ex was assigned this account. Monitor to ensure that payments are being made on a regular, timely basis.
4. Make an offer for accord and satisfaction – basically, offer the creditor an amount of money in exchange for a release of your liability on the account assigned to your ex.
5. Communicate with the big three credit reporting agencies to notify them of the divorce and any name changes.
6. Create a debt reduction plan. There are many excellent resources available, such as Consumer Credit Counseling Services, Dave Ramsey, or a church based debt reduction plan.
Bottom line – your credit score is an asset just like your home or car. In fact, if you don’t have a good credit score, your ability to obtain consumer or business financing may be extremely limited.
Shannon Cavers is a Houston, Texas based lawyer practicing in divorce, family law and probate. More information and articles can be found at: Houston Divorce Lawyer
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/divorce-and-debt-98096.html
About the Author:
Shannon Cavers is a Houston, Texas based lawyer practicing in divorce, family law and probate. More information and articles can be found at: Houston Divorce Lawyer
As common sense and statistics tell us, the leading cause of marital discord is money. Therefore, it is not surprising that many times divorce inventories have more red numbers than black ones.
Media sources often portray Hollywood stars of “power couples” divorcing. Included with the typical hype may be which party will get the mansion, vacation home, or car collection, but rarely is there any coverage about how the parties will divide debt.
The hard truth is that debt, just like assets, are included in the community estate. No matter what your own moral compass may register regarding your and your spouse’s debt, Texas case law establishes rules that might surprise you. First, debt incurred during the marriage is presumed to be community debt. See Cockerham v. Cockerham, 527 S.W.2d 162, 171 (Tex. 1975). There must be a sufficient amount of evidence to rebut this presumption.
Despite well established case law, Texas divorce decrees contain sections entitled “Debt to Husband” and “Debt to Wife”, which seemingly assign responsibility for each debt. These sections of the decree will identify each creditor, the account number, and account balance. At the close of the divorce proceedings, the divorced couple has a lengthy document called a final decree of divorce. The husband, wife, their attorneys, and the judge sign the final decree. Often times the parties order a certified copy of their divorce decree, throw it in a drawer or the safe deposit box, and rarely look at it again unless there are children and custody issues involved.
It may be months or years later when the phone rings and one of the parties is greeted by the monotone utterances of a bill collector reading a script off the computer screen. The dialogue may go something like this:
Bob the Bill Collector: “This is Bob with XYZ Visa. I’m calling because your account is 60 days past due, and I need to know when you plan to remit the past due amount and begin making payments.”
You: “What are you talking about? That’s my ex’s account. Our divorce decree says so. I haven’t been married to him/her in over (whatever time frame)! Call that deadbeat for the money.”
Bob: “Well, Mr. or Ms. So and So, that doesn’t mean you don’t owe the debt if your ex defaults.”
You: “I have a certified court order signed by me, my ex, our attorneys, and the judge saying that I don’t owe you anything for that account. That account is the ex’s problem. When you find him/her, let me know because he/she owes me money, too!”
Bob: “Your divorce decree might say you aren’t responsible, but the law says you are. Why don’t you give me a check by phone and we can get you on a payment plan.”
You: “Are you dense?! Did you hear anything I just said?! I’m not responsible and I’m not paying you one red cent on any of that debt. Call the ex but stop hounding me!”
Bob: “Mr. or Ms. So and So, I did hear you, and you’re wrong. No matter what your divorce decree says, you owe XYZ Visa. If you don’t begin making payments, XYZ Visa will report this delinquent account to the credit reporting agencies, and take action up to and including litigation.”
I’ll let you fill in the closing dialogue for yourself. You are angry and hang up the phone. You may think that Bob, located at some call center hundreds of miles away, has no idea what he’s talking about.
As unsettling as it may be, Bob is right. Unless the XYZ Visa was a party to your divorce suit and agreed to the terms of the final decree, you owe the money. It is highly unusual for a husband and wife or their attorneys to implead creditors into divorce actions due to complex legal issues such as jurisdiction and venue on both the state and federal level.
To understand how you could possibly be responsible for debt assigned to your ex, you must rewind to the point in time when the credit account was opened. You will need to look at the original account agreement. Almost no one keeps those documents, so order a copy of your credit report from one of the big three credit reporting agencies (EquiFax, Experian, or TransUnion). If the account shows up on your report, then you were more than likely a party to the credit agreement. Despite how the divorce decree allocates the debts (both secured and unsecured), the Court has no authority to modify the contractual obligations between the spouses and the creditor.
To say it another way, the court cannot take away the creditor’s right to proceed against either spouse(s) for payment of a community debt that was incurred prior to the decree. See Blake v. Amoco Fed. Credit Union, 900 S.W.2d 108 (Tex. App. – Houston [14th Dist.] 1995, no writ).
Let’s presume the account was originally opened in both your names and the creditor was looking to both you and your spouse’s income and assets to repay the obligation. This means that you are both responsible for the debt. But what about the divorce decree that spells out which assets and liabilities you and your ex were assigned? Is it a worthless piece of paper? No.
You will not be able to file a motion to enforce the divorce decree to get the defaulting spouse to pay the debt. An enforcement action will only assist if there was specific property, such as a vehicle, brokerage account, or personal property, the other spouse failed to turn over. But what about the debt? All is not lost. You could file an action for breach of contract against the defaulting spouse. The divorce decree is a binding contract that both parties voluntarily signed before the court.
If your ex has defaulted on one or multiple obligations, a suit for breach of contract may be cold comfort. As the old saying goes, you can’t squeeze blood from a turnip. Nevertheless, if you pursue this option, your damages may include any money you agreed to pay the creditor to keep the account out of collections, interest, and other miscellaneous expenses, such as attorney’s fees if any are incurred.
Depending on the size of the debt that the defaulting party hasn’t paid, you could seek relief in small claims court. Texas small claims courts have jurisdiction from $0.01 up to $5,000.00. These courts are designed for individuals who want to represent themselves and avoid hiring an attorney. This is where people go to argue the “do right” law. However, if the amount in controversy is greater than $5,000.00, then you must file suit in a county court, county court at law, or a district court with jurisdiction over the matter. At this point, you may consider hiring an attorney to prosecute the claim if there’s a reasonable possibility you could collect from the defaulting spouse. If possible, never let things get to this point by utilizing some of the suggestions outlined below.
Before you go to court or sign the final decree of divorce, you should research each and every account that the decree references no matter if that account falls under the “Husband” or “Wife” section. You both need to be aware how the accounts were established, and who and what the creditor deems liable. It may be in your best interests to refinance jointly held debt and establish the debt in each individual’s name if that is possible. If you or your spouse’s credit score is not strong enough to take this route, then you may consider liquidating assets to repay the debt before the divorce is final and close the account. It will be cold comfort to pay off a debt only to find out that your ex ran up a bunch of charges. A method may be to sell a car, a house, real property, or take a 401-K loan prior to finalizing the divorce to pay off debt. Because a mortgage and car loan can have long terms of payments, it may behoove you to sell those assets and let the other party acquire them on his or her own credit. By paying off those assets, those will no longer appear as debts on your credit report or create potential future problems if the other party fails to make payments to the creditor.
After your divorce is final, you may consider taking these actions:
1. Closing all joint accounts with a low balance or zero balance.
2. Request a credit report from one of the big three credit reporting agencies 90 days after the divorce is final. Look for any errors or discrepancies and aggressively challenge them in writing.
3. Ask each creditor to send you a duplicate notice for the joint accounts – even if the ex was assigned this account. Monitor to ensure that payments are being made on a regular, timely basis.
4. Make an offer for accord and satisfaction – basically, offer the creditor an amount of money in exchange for a release of your liability on the account assigned to your ex.
5. Communicate with the big three credit reporting agencies to notify them of the divorce and any name changes.
6. Create a debt reduction plan. There are many excellent resources available, such as Consumer Credit Counseling Services, Dave Ramsey, or a church based debt reduction plan.
Bottom line – your credit score is an asset just like your home or car. In fact, if you don’t have a good credit score, your ability to obtain consumer or business financing may be extremely limited.
Shannon Cavers is a Houston, Texas based lawyer practicing in divorce, family law and probate. More information and articles can be found at: Houston Divorce Lawyer
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/divorce-and-debt-98096.html
About the Author:
Shannon Cavers is a Houston, Texas based lawyer practicing in divorce, family law and probate. More information and articles can be found at: Houston Divorce Lawyer
Divorce Recovery Success - 7 Tips for How to Make a Smooth Recovery From Divorce
Author: Jerald Young
Recovery from divorce is hard. The good news is YOU CAN DO IT. In fact, with some focused effort and a little help, you can recover from divorce faster than you ever thought possible. Making a successful recovery from divorce requires both insight and action. The following tips highlight the most important insights and actions necessary.
TIP #1 - You are not unusual - You are not alone.
Statistically, there are a lot of us. 40% of first marriages and 60% of all remarriages eventually end in divorce. Emotionally, everyone is pretty much in the same boat. Ambivalence rules the day. Roller coasters are the preferred method of emotional transport. Realistically, anyone you know whose has gone through, or is going through a divorce, can identify with the reactions you are having. You are not alone.
TIP #2 - You can make a successful recovery from divorce because you have done it before.
You say you haven't been divorced before? Doesn't matter. All transitions force us to go through the same process of change - whether it is losing a job, getting married, starting a family, death of a loved one. Whatever. What we've learned from these life experiences we can apply to making it through our current transition through divorce.
TIP #3 - You already possess all the personal resources necessary to recover from divorce.
Confidence, a sense of direction, and hope seem to be the first to go when trying to recover from a divorce. But, not to worry. You already have the ability to deal with it. More specifically, we gain confidence from successfully navigating past major life transitions. We find stability of direction from our unique set of personal principles. We obtain courage to press on from our personal sources of hope. And, we obtain reassurance that we are on the right track through a sense of gratitude for the good present in the current situation
TIP #4 - You need to recruit at lease one "Change Buddy" for social support and feedback.
We need to find people (or at least one person) we can lean on for emotional support and count on for objective feedback while we make our recovery from divorce. These folks must have two important characteristics. They must have no personal agenda and they must be able to be honest with you. Only then can you count on their feedback as being objective.
TIP #5 - You can and must dissolve the massive resistance to change that comes with divorce.
Fear, loss, and uncertainty about what to do next sabotage our efforts to make a victorious recovery from divorce. However, we can handle our fear of the unknown future if we have a plan. We can let go of how things used to be - even the good stuff - when we realize there is even more good stuff in the next chapter of our life after divorce. And, we can resolve our rational reservations for making a recovery with old-fashioned problem solving.
TIP #6 - You can and must use what you have learned from going through the divorce process to make your recovery successful.
Only by using your experience to clarify your future requirements, needs, and wants for our life after divorce, can you capitalize on the great opportunity divorce offers. These learnings apply to your entire life including finances, health, relationships, and self expression.
TIP #7 - You must lay the groundwork for the many changes that must occur in order to make a successful divorce recovery.
Divorce brings change in our relationships, our health, our financial situation, and our opportunities for creativity and self expression. A successful divorce recovery demands that we attend to and plan for this wide range of changes in order to fully and joyously embrace the next chapter in our life after divorce.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-improvement-articles/divorce-recovery-success-7-tips-for-how-to-make-a-smooth-recovery-from-divorce-205413.html
About the Author:
To learn more about the divorce recovery process and how you can speed up your return to a "normal" life, go to http://www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com To get a free assessment of your Divorce Recovery Stress Level go to http://www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com/Stress My name is Jerald Young and I help divorced clients return to the mainstream of life with renewed hope, unfettered by the chains of anger, resentment, and shame that accompany divorce.
Recovery from divorce is hard. The good news is YOU CAN DO IT. In fact, with some focused effort and a little help, you can recover from divorce faster than you ever thought possible. Making a successful recovery from divorce requires both insight and action. The following tips highlight the most important insights and actions necessary.
TIP #1 - You are not unusual - You are not alone.
Statistically, there are a lot of us. 40% of first marriages and 60% of all remarriages eventually end in divorce. Emotionally, everyone is pretty much in the same boat. Ambivalence rules the day. Roller coasters are the preferred method of emotional transport. Realistically, anyone you know whose has gone through, or is going through a divorce, can identify with the reactions you are having. You are not alone.
TIP #2 - You can make a successful recovery from divorce because you have done it before.
You say you haven't been divorced before? Doesn't matter. All transitions force us to go through the same process of change - whether it is losing a job, getting married, starting a family, death of a loved one. Whatever. What we've learned from these life experiences we can apply to making it through our current transition through divorce.
TIP #3 - You already possess all the personal resources necessary to recover from divorce.
Confidence, a sense of direction, and hope seem to be the first to go when trying to recover from a divorce. But, not to worry. You already have the ability to deal with it. More specifically, we gain confidence from successfully navigating past major life transitions. We find stability of direction from our unique set of personal principles. We obtain courage to press on from our personal sources of hope. And, we obtain reassurance that we are on the right track through a sense of gratitude for the good present in the current situation
TIP #4 - You need to recruit at lease one "Change Buddy" for social support and feedback.
We need to find people (or at least one person) we can lean on for emotional support and count on for objective feedback while we make our recovery from divorce. These folks must have two important characteristics. They must have no personal agenda and they must be able to be honest with you. Only then can you count on their feedback as being objective.
TIP #5 - You can and must dissolve the massive resistance to change that comes with divorce.
Fear, loss, and uncertainty about what to do next sabotage our efforts to make a victorious recovery from divorce. However, we can handle our fear of the unknown future if we have a plan. We can let go of how things used to be - even the good stuff - when we realize there is even more good stuff in the next chapter of our life after divorce. And, we can resolve our rational reservations for making a recovery with old-fashioned problem solving.
TIP #6 - You can and must use what you have learned from going through the divorce process to make your recovery successful.
Only by using your experience to clarify your future requirements, needs, and wants for our life after divorce, can you capitalize on the great opportunity divorce offers. These learnings apply to your entire life including finances, health, relationships, and self expression.
TIP #7 - You must lay the groundwork for the many changes that must occur in order to make a successful divorce recovery.
Divorce brings change in our relationships, our health, our financial situation, and our opportunities for creativity and self expression. A successful divorce recovery demands that we attend to and plan for this wide range of changes in order to fully and joyously embrace the next chapter in our life after divorce.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-improvement-articles/divorce-recovery-success-7-tips-for-how-to-make-a-smooth-recovery-from-divorce-205413.html
About the Author:
To learn more about the divorce recovery process and how you can speed up your return to a "normal" life, go to http://www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com To get a free assessment of your Divorce Recovery Stress Level go to http://www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com/Stress My name is Jerald Young and I help divorced clients return to the mainstream of life with renewed hope, unfettered by the chains of anger, resentment, and shame that accompany divorce.
Understanding How Divorce Law Works
Author: Jon Arnold
In the case where you are considering divorce, almost regardless of the reasons behind your decision, it is important that you be aware of just what is involved in obtaining a divorce in the US.
In general, the laws of each state set out specific reasons for a divorce which have to be proven before the court is allowed to grant it. This can be under a no-fault heading, an all-fault heading, and a summary heading. In recent years some less adversarial ways to approach to divorce settlements have emerged, like mediation and collaborative divorce, to negotiate mutually acceptable resolutions to conflicts for a couple.
At-fault divorces were originally the only way to dissolve a marriage, and people who had differences or problems were only able to separate, and were prevented from legally remarrying afterward. The state of New York is the only one which still requires fault to obtain a divorce. In an at-fault divorce, one party usually brings divorce proceedings against the other due to some breech of marriage regulations like adultery, abandonment or cruelty.
Comparative rectitude is the name given to a doctrine used to determine which spouse is more at fault in divorce proceedings when both spouses are found to be guilty of breaches. This kind of divorce can affect the distribution of property, and will allow an immediate divorce, especially in states where there is a waiting period required to obtain a no-fault divorce. A defense for this type of divorce can turn out to be expensive and is not usually practical since most divorces are eventually granted anyway, especially when a society comparable to that in the US is not interested in forcing people to remain married any longer. Remember, marriage in the US also has legal ramifications, so if you do not want to be married anymore, you need to get divorced, it is much more than simply taking the mental attitude of no longer being married.
Under a no-fault divorce set of rules, a marriage partner does not need to show that the other marriage partner did anything, or was at fault in order to obtain a divorce. Many common reasons for no-fault divorce can be incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage. In the United States, currently 49 states have adopted no-fault divorce laws.
In states that grant no-fault divorces, there may be a waiting period of up to a year before the divorce is considered final. Other requirements include mandatory counseling to see if reconciliation can be achieved if one party does not agree to the divorce, either dependent on an amount of time set by the court, or for a predetermined amount before the divorce may even be applied for,
A summary (or simple) divorce, available in some jurisdictions, is used when spouses meet certain requirements for eligibility, or can agree on important issues beforehand like if it was a marriage lasting under 5 years, there were no children (or, in some states, the couple have resolved custody and set payments for child support), there was minimal or no real property (there was no mortgage on a house or condo), the property owned by the married couple is under a threshold (around $35,000, not including vehicles), and the personal property of each spouse is under a set threshold (typically the same amount as marital property). A simple divorce where both couples agree on how the divorce should be handled and assets divided is also known as an uncontested divorce.
It is estimated that in the US upwards of 95% of all divorces are uncontested, since the two parties are able to come to an agreement (with or without lawyers/mediators) about the property, children and support issues. When the parties are able to agree and present the court with a fair and equitable agreement, approval of the divorce is almost certain. In the case where the two partners cannot come to an agreement, they may ask the court to decide how to fairly split property, deal with children and custody issues, and so forth.
Residency requirements to file for a divorce vary from state to state. In some states, like Colorado, residency requirements are very liberal to accommodate military personnel who have to move often for tours of duty, while other states, like New York, require that you live in them for a minimum of a year with the intention of making this your permanent state of residence. A spouse may separate, move to a state with divorce laws of their choice, establish residency, and file. However, this typically does not change the state in which property and other issues are decided, and it is possible for a court to decide not to hear a petition for divorce if it decides that it does not have legal jurisdiction to do so based on residency issues.
A final consideration to be made when considering where/if to file for divorce is the laws concerning the distribution of property and division of assets. States like Alabama are considered to be an “equitable distribution” state which means that all property acquired during the marriage is divided equally among the two parties. In other states, like California, assets can be awarded to a spouse from the other based on economic need, and in still others, like Alaska, even though it is an equitable distribution state, in some jurisdictions in the state, women have little or no rights to marital property. In some states, alimony is awarded to the stay-at-home spouse, where in others, alimony is paid by the spouse making the most to the spouse making the least, despite the one needing to get child support because they have actual custody.
In the case where you are considering divorce, almost regardless of the reasons behind your decision, it is important that you be aware of just what is involved in obtaining a divorce in the US.
In general, the laws of each state set out specific reasons for a divorce which have to be proven before the court is allowed to grant it. This can be under a no-fault heading, an all-fault heading, and a summary heading. In recent years some less adversarial ways to approach to divorce settlements have emerged, like mediation and collaborative divorce, to negotiate mutually acceptable resolutions to conflicts for a couple.
At-fault divorces were originally the only way to dissolve a marriage, and people who had differences or problems were only able to separate, and were prevented from legally remarrying afterward. The state of New York is the only one which still requires fault to obtain a divorce. In an at-fault divorce, one party usually brings divorce proceedings against the other due to some breech of marriage regulations like adultery, abandonment or cruelty.
Comparative rectitude is the name given to a doctrine used to determine which spouse is more at fault in divorce proceedings when both spouses are found to be guilty of breaches. This kind of divorce can affect the distribution of property, and will allow an immediate divorce, especially in states where there is a waiting period required to obtain a no-fault divorce. A defense for this type of divorce can turn out to be expensive and is not usually practical since most divorces are eventually granted anyway, especially when a society comparable to that in the US is not interested in forcing people to remain married any longer. Remember, marriage in the US also has legal ramifications, so if you do not want to be married anymore, you need to get divorced, it is much more than simply taking the mental attitude of no longer being married.
Under a no-fault divorce set of rules, a marriage partner does not need to show that the other marriage partner did anything, or was at fault in order to obtain a divorce. Many common reasons for no-fault divorce can be incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage. In the United States, currently 49 states have adopted no-fault divorce laws.
In states that grant no-fault divorces, there may be a waiting period of up to a year before the divorce is considered final. Other requirements include mandatory counseling to see if reconciliation can be achieved if one party does not agree to the divorce, either dependent on an amount of time set by the court, or for a predetermined amount before the divorce may even be applied for,
A summary (or simple) divorce, available in some jurisdictions, is used when spouses meet certain requirements for eligibility, or can agree on important issues beforehand like if it was a marriage lasting under 5 years, there were no children (or, in some states, the couple have resolved custody and set payments for child support), there was minimal or no real property (there was no mortgage on a house or condo), the property owned by the married couple is under a threshold (around $35,000, not including vehicles), and the personal property of each spouse is under a set threshold (typically the same amount as marital property). A simple divorce where both couples agree on how the divorce should be handled and assets divided is also known as an uncontested divorce.
It is estimated that in the US upwards of 95% of all divorces are uncontested, since the two parties are able to come to an agreement (with or without lawyers/mediators) about the property, children and support issues. When the parties are able to agree and present the court with a fair and equitable agreement, approval of the divorce is almost certain. In the case where the two partners cannot come to an agreement, they may ask the court to decide how to fairly split property, deal with children and custody issues, and so forth.
Residency requirements to file for a divorce vary from state to state. In some states, like Colorado, residency requirements are very liberal to accommodate military personnel who have to move often for tours of duty, while other states, like New York, require that you live in them for a minimum of a year with the intention of making this your permanent state of residence. A spouse may separate, move to a state with divorce laws of their choice, establish residency, and file. However, this typically does not change the state in which property and other issues are decided, and it is possible for a court to decide not to hear a petition for divorce if it decides that it does not have legal jurisdiction to do so based on residency issues.
A final consideration to be made when considering where/if to file for divorce is the laws concerning the distribution of property and division of assets. States like Alabama are considered to be an “equitable distribution” state which means that all property acquired during the marriage is divided equally among the two parties. In other states, like California, assets can be awarded to a spouse from the other based on economic need, and in still others, like Alaska, even though it is an equitable distribution state, in some jurisdictions in the state, women have little or no rights to marital property. In some states, alimony is awarded to the stay-at-home spouse, where in others, alimony is paid by the spouse making the most to the spouse making the least, despite the one needing to get child support because they have actual custody.
How Does Divorce Mediation Work?
Divorce is an upsetting process. Strong emotions of anger can remain for years. Mind-set of being cast off can even be carried over to new relationships. For many divorcing couples, the most painful part of the proceedings is often the loss of self-esteem. Confronted with hardhearted thoughts of fear and anger, many people in the process of divorcing each other are often distraught by the ease in which they seem to forsake values that they had held in deep regard such as empathy, compassion, and respect. The need to hurt often takes the place of what used to be enduring and deep love. Revenge replaces considerate. Anger supplants civility. When such humanitarian values are given up, it results in the loss of self-esteem and self-respect that is often seen in divorce procedures.
However, many divorcing couples found that they can preserve their dignity, compassion, and self-respect through approaching divorce in a new way – via mediation. Traditionally, divorce has always been approached in an adversarial manner, often resulting in the break in communication between the parties, costly court procedures, accompanied by strong hostility. Many couples often find that despite their first good intentions, the adversarial nature of the procedures would complicate matters by rotating even small issues into complicated and impossible ones, requiring a substantial amount of money and time to resolve. Such experiences have left many divorcing or divorced people feeling as if they have betrayed their inner values. While occasionally there may be no other way out, not every couple wants or needs this sort of ending to their marriage.
How does divorce mediation provide an alternative?
Divorce mediation provides an alternative to divorcing couples because people specifically trained in mediation, known as divorce mediators, help them to come to a contract on issues related to their divorce, without them going the adversarial way. The divorce mediator gives the couple monetary and legal information helps them to know the emotional and mental aspects of divorcing, its impact on the children, as well as providing tips on conflict management. The mediator stays unbiased all through the process, without being condemnatory towards either spouse about the motivations or reasons for their decision to part ways. The methods of divorce mediation are designed to reduce hostility, enhance communication, and support the expression and maintenance of caring and respect between the divorcing couple as well as their family. This results in divorce no longer having to be identical with loss of self-respect and bitterness.
With divorce mediation, couples have the capability of deciding for themselves under what circumstances, when, and how their divorce will take place. Divorce mediation is giving attention on agreement, leaning towards achieving a goal, and is time limited. Unlike marriage counseling, it is not meant to improve or save a marriage, nor does it help divorcing couples make decisions, like in arbitration. Instead, divorce mediation helps in given that guidance along with creating an environment wherein divorcing couples can arrive at an agreement on the issues linked to their divorce, putting those agreements on paper, and thereby beginning the process of stirring on into the future.
How exactly is mediation different from the adversarial system?
In the conventional adversarial method of divorce, separate attorneys are hired by each spouse to stand for themselves. These lawyers then pay out a lot of time in discussions with each other, and then more time to communicate the result of their discussions to their clients. This adversarial method exacerbates the quarrel, anxiety and stress, along with increasing the legal fees. If the lawyers do not do well in arriving at an agreement, a judge will have to decide about the issues associated with the divorce. This results in rotating it into a litigation, which delays the process of the divorce, often for a number of years. It also results in compromising the privacy of the individuals worried while depleting their assets which otherwise could have been separated between the couple or used for providing for the children.
However, when couples resort to mediation, they take the help of a trained mediator to bargain with each other straight in order to appear at an contract about every aspect of their divorce, such as child support, arrangements about parenting, and dividing the property. The mediator remains an impartial third party whose special responsibility is facilitating negotiations by decisive the issues, investigative the possible solutions, and giving advice about all the matters that ought to be included in the last agreement.
Thus, mediation helps in decreasing the price of divorcing. Studies have shown that the adversarial method of using two attorneys escalates the total fees of the divorce by as much as 134 percent compared to using the mediation approach. These studies have also shown that divorces that are mediated lessens hostility, leaving the divorcing couples more satisfied with the outcome, and increased their abidance with the agreements arrived at during the mediation process.
Mediation helps in acknowledging emotions
One of the distinct useful aspects of the process of mediation is the manner in which recognition is given to emotions without allowing them to delay the process of arriving at a contract. Oftentimes, the adversarial approach fuels the anger of the divorcing couple, resulting in them focusing only on their disagreements, which leads them to lose vision of the things that they do agree about. Mediation helps in couples being able to express their usual feelings of rejection, fear, and hostility in a controlled and neutral environment wherein they can be handled and interpreted in such a way that these emotions are not mistaken or are allowed rising the conflict. This aspect, more than anything else, is what differentiates divorce via mediation from other ways of divorcing.
Even though mediation is a novel approach to divorce and family law, it is one of the most time-tested ways used in resolving conflicts. Mediation is one of best ways of serving divorcing couples getting in-depth and important decisions while preserving their sense of self-respect, self-respect and humanity. In these times, with so many lives being aching by the harmful aspects of divorce, humanity, compassion, and respect can be priceless reserves.
Author Bio :
Munish Rathee
However, many divorcing couples found that they can preserve their dignity, compassion, and self-respect through approaching divorce in a new way – via mediation. Traditionally, divorce has always been approached in an adversarial manner, often resulting in the break in communication between the parties, costly court procedures, accompanied by strong hostility. Many couples often find that despite their first good intentions, the adversarial nature of the procedures would complicate matters by rotating even small issues into complicated and impossible ones, requiring a substantial amount of money and time to resolve. Such experiences have left many divorcing or divorced people feeling as if they have betrayed their inner values. While occasionally there may be no other way out, not every couple wants or needs this sort of ending to their marriage.
How does divorce mediation provide an alternative?
Divorce mediation provides an alternative to divorcing couples because people specifically trained in mediation, known as divorce mediators, help them to come to a contract on issues related to their divorce, without them going the adversarial way. The divorce mediator gives the couple monetary and legal information helps them to know the emotional and mental aspects of divorcing, its impact on the children, as well as providing tips on conflict management. The mediator stays unbiased all through the process, without being condemnatory towards either spouse about the motivations or reasons for their decision to part ways. The methods of divorce mediation are designed to reduce hostility, enhance communication, and support the expression and maintenance of caring and respect between the divorcing couple as well as their family. This results in divorce no longer having to be identical with loss of self-respect and bitterness.
With divorce mediation, couples have the capability of deciding for themselves under what circumstances, when, and how their divorce will take place. Divorce mediation is giving attention on agreement, leaning towards achieving a goal, and is time limited. Unlike marriage counseling, it is not meant to improve or save a marriage, nor does it help divorcing couples make decisions, like in arbitration. Instead, divorce mediation helps in given that guidance along with creating an environment wherein divorcing couples can arrive at an agreement on the issues linked to their divorce, putting those agreements on paper, and thereby beginning the process of stirring on into the future.
How exactly is mediation different from the adversarial system?
In the conventional adversarial method of divorce, separate attorneys are hired by each spouse to stand for themselves. These lawyers then pay out a lot of time in discussions with each other, and then more time to communicate the result of their discussions to their clients. This adversarial method exacerbates the quarrel, anxiety and stress, along with increasing the legal fees. If the lawyers do not do well in arriving at an agreement, a judge will have to decide about the issues associated with the divorce. This results in rotating it into a litigation, which delays the process of the divorce, often for a number of years. It also results in compromising the privacy of the individuals worried while depleting their assets which otherwise could have been separated between the couple or used for providing for the children.
However, when couples resort to mediation, they take the help of a trained mediator to bargain with each other straight in order to appear at an contract about every aspect of their divorce, such as child support, arrangements about parenting, and dividing the property. The mediator remains an impartial third party whose special responsibility is facilitating negotiations by decisive the issues, investigative the possible solutions, and giving advice about all the matters that ought to be included in the last agreement.
Thus, mediation helps in decreasing the price of divorcing. Studies have shown that the adversarial method of using two attorneys escalates the total fees of the divorce by as much as 134 percent compared to using the mediation approach. These studies have also shown that divorces that are mediated lessens hostility, leaving the divorcing couples more satisfied with the outcome, and increased their abidance with the agreements arrived at during the mediation process.
Mediation helps in acknowledging emotions
One of the distinct useful aspects of the process of mediation is the manner in which recognition is given to emotions without allowing them to delay the process of arriving at a contract. Oftentimes, the adversarial approach fuels the anger of the divorcing couple, resulting in them focusing only on their disagreements, which leads them to lose vision of the things that they do agree about. Mediation helps in couples being able to express their usual feelings of rejection, fear, and hostility in a controlled and neutral environment wherein they can be handled and interpreted in such a way that these emotions are not mistaken or are allowed rising the conflict. This aspect, more than anything else, is what differentiates divorce via mediation from other ways of divorcing.
Even though mediation is a novel approach to divorce and family law, it is one of the most time-tested ways used in resolving conflicts. Mediation is one of best ways of serving divorcing couples getting in-depth and important decisions while preserving their sense of self-respect, self-respect and humanity. In these times, with so many lives being aching by the harmful aspects of divorce, humanity, compassion, and respect can be priceless reserves.
Author Bio :
Munish Rathee
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